It is time, long since past due, to follow a strengths-based paradigm as we understand children’s minds, especially the minds of those children who struggle to learn. It is time to reject the pathology-based model of disabilities, disorders, and diseases and replace it with a more comprehensive and neurologically capacious model that emphasizes talents, interests, and strengths as well as the obstacles that get in the way of their developing.
My dear friend, Priscilla Vail, who died too young, understood these kids so well. She spent her career working with these kids in various independent schools. She didn’t invoke fancy diagnostic labels and she eschewed the disparaging medical terms. In her book, “Smart Kids with School Problems,” she simply called them “conundrum kids.” They had talent, but they struggled to do school well. “They are not looking for the easy way out,” Priscilla used to say, “they are looking for the right way in.
It is high time for us to help them find their various right ways in.
I went to high school (Phillips Exeter Academy) with a kid who struggled academically. He was several years ahead of me. He recounted his time at Exeter in the following words:
I simply accepted the conventional wisdom of the day–I was a struggling student; therefore, I was stupid.
I was such a poor student, I needed five years to pass the three-year foreign language requirement; and in my fifth year at Exeter–in my second “senior” year–I was taking Math III for the second time (I had already taken Math II twice). I was such a weak student, I passed Latin I with a D and flunked Latin II; then I switched to Spanish, which I barely survived. . .
I wasn’t diagnosed learning disabled or dyslexic at Exeter; I was just plain stupid. I failed a spelling test and was put in a remedial spelling class; because I couldn’t learn how to spell–I still can’t spell–I was advised to see the school psychiatrist! This advice made no sense to me then–it makes no sense to me now–but if you were a poor student at Exeter, you would develop such a lasting sense of inferiority that you’d probably be in need of a psychiatrist one day. . .
The name of this struggling student was John Irving. He went on to become one of the world’s foremost novelists and one of Exeter’s most illustrious alums.
The crucial point is that John Irving is no anomaly. You all have heard the stories of the legions of famous people who struggled in school. One of the great myths many parents buy into is that school performance predicts performance in adult life. It does not. Albert Einstein struggled in school. Abraham Lincoln, Harry Truman, William Faulkner, Edward Albee, and Ernest Hemingway didn’t even graduate from college. James Carville, David Neeleman (founder of JetBlue), Clarence Page, Sharon Wohlmuth (Pulitzer Prize wining photo journalist) all have attention deficit disorder.
And yet, in most schools, and in the hearts and minds of most adults and even children, smart vs. stupid is the gradient upon which a student’s mind and general worth gets measured. If you get good grades, you are smart. If you don’t, you are either stupid or lazy or both. This primitive and inaccurate notion dies hard. While we try to kill it, using all the science we have to refute it, it continues to kill the spirits of millions of children and adults every year.
If it were true, if smart vs. stupid were the best test of a person’s merit and ability to contribute to society, then fine, measure it, and let those who score low suck it up and get used to life at the bottom of life.
But it is not true. How tragic that the worship of this golden calf costs us a great chunk of our most valuable resource: the spunk and verve of our children.
If getting top grades does not predict living the best kind of life, then what does? With what alternative ought we to replace the golden calf?
The predictors of living the best kind of life are not the grades but the attitudes developed during childhood. Attitudes like: confidence; enthusiasm; a strong interest in something; optimism; the ability to persist in the face of disappointment; the ability to ask for help when you need it and give help when it is needed; spunk; a sense of humor; courage; ambition; the ability to take responsibility and to do the right thing when no one is looking—these are the attitudes that actually do predict doing well in life.
And, great good news, everyone can develop these attitudes. Unlike top grades, which necessarily are reserved for just a few, every child can develop the positive attitudes named above.
Tragically, our current methods of “helping” kids who struggle in school make it all but impossible to develop these attitudes. Using our pathology-based model, when we diagnose and treat these kids we often, inadvertently, instill the most dangerous learning disabilities. By far, the most dangerous learning disabilities, what truly holds people back in life, are not ADD or dyslexia. The dangerous disabilities are fear, shame, loss of hope, broken confidence, shattered dreams, and a feeling of being less-than. Those are the disablers. Without meaning to, teachers, parents, doctors, and other professionals instill these disablers every day–in the name of helping children.
The model I advocate is a model that identifies talents and strengths first and foremost, and only then looks at what is getting in the way of developing those talents and strengths. As a psychiatrist who specializes in treating so-called learning disabilities like ADD and dyslexia, I do not see myself as treating disabled children but rather as developing champions. I see every child who has ADD or dyslexia as a champion-in-the-making. It is up to me, and all the other adults, to make sure the champion emerges, just as John Irving’s parents did all they could to make sure the champion emerged, with the help of certain angels like, in Irving’s case, his wrestling coach, Ted Seabrooke.
I know whereof I speak. I have both ADD and dyslexia myself, and I wouldn’t trade either for the world. This is because I have learned, in my nearly 30 years of practicing psychiatry, that these “disabled” children are anything but. I think of them as “magnificently minded.”
I have learned that embedded in the learning problem, embedded in the challenged mind there are precious gems. It is my job–our job–to mine them. It is simply a fact that most people who possess great talent also face great challenges. Think to yourself of the highly talented people you know. How many of them struggle with depression, or an anxiety disorder, or substance abuse, or bi-polar disorder, or ADD, or dyslexia? In fact, it is difficult to find a highly creative person who does not struggle with one of those conditions. But if all they feel is the presence of the negative and never hear about the positive, then they begin to become just the negative.
So it is time to reject the model that emphasizes what’s wrong, disabled, disordered, and diseased and replace it with a model that emphasizes what’s right, what’s good, what’s strong. In that context, it becomes far easier to work on the problems, simply because the child and the parents are doing so in a context of hope and enthusiasm. Instead of feeling like a disabled kid in need of treatment, the child can feel like a champion in the making, a member of the society of the magnificently minded. That switch in emphasis, I have learned, makes all the difference in the world.
If your child is struggling in school, take heart. His or her learning problem is likely a marker of talent. Sure, there is a struggle. Sure, you worry. Sure, you hate to see your child work hard and get poor grades.
But you can take steps to mine the gems. Be sure you are working with a professional and a school who can help you develop the talent, not just address the problems and struggles. You need to do both simultaneously–develop talent and address shortcomings–but in an atmosphere that is free of shame and fear and full of hope and positive energy.
This is not spin doctoring. This is the truth. This is the method that works the best. The conundrum kids Priscilla Vail wrote about are some of our most talented kids. But they need special help. Otherwise their talent can go to waste and they can lead lives of chronic underachievement. They usually can’t unwrap their gifts on their own. They need a great teacher, an angel of a coach, a parent who never gives up on them and work as their advocate. They need to know that at least a couple of people believe in them no matter what.
And, I am here to tell you, based on 30 years of real life in the trenches experience, it makes sense to believe in them no matter what. They may go through terrible times and face seemingly impossible challenges, but if you keep at it and never give up, one day they will blossom and flourish.
It is important for you to work with a professional who can be your guide as well as source of hope when all seems lost. All is never lost. There is always, always hope.
And, more good news, today we have more ways of unwrapping these kids gifts than we have ever had before. From medications, to exercise-based treatments, to neurofeedback, to nutritional remedies, to specialized coaching and tutoring, to mindfulness training, we have a vast and potent armamentarium from which to draw.
But the most potent treatment of all, bar none, is love. Especially love sustained over time. Nothing comes close in its power to bring out the best in a person.
If you have a conundrum kid, a member of the society of the magnificently minded, you might feel that I am writing a fairy tale. You might feel that your child is cursed with a terrible disadvantage. Before you go there, let me warn you that that kind of thinking risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy. Your child needs you to believe in him or her no matter what. John Irving’s story, and the legions of others I could tell you about are not fairy tales. They are true.
The power of love sustained over time combined with expert professional interventions over time always lead to improvement. It can be painful to go through the many struggles, but if you keep at it, gradually, you will see the champion begin to emerge. Gradually you will see your son or daughter take flight and lead the great life he or she was meant to lead.
It is an heroic journey, both on the part of the child and the parents. And don’t forget the special heroes called teachers and coaches. It won’t happen overnight. There is no quick fix. But work with a doctor and a school that “gets” your child, sees the sparkle, values the positives, and you will find your way to magnificent life for your magnificently-minded child.
Edward Hallowell, M.D.
The Hallowell Center
117 West 72nd St.
New York, NY 10023
What a great article Ned. It is so true. I know this based on my own school experience but also my oldest daughters experience in school. I wanted her to have a positive experience with school which I did not have. I grew up afraid of all my teachers. She has faced challenges in school first with reading in kindergarten but with extra help at a tutoring school she now reads a grade level above where she is in school and then faced math challenges in grade 2. Katie, with help again has gone from 2.7 in grade three to 4.4 (grade 4, in the 4th month) and not yet finished grade three. She loves going to the tutoring school and her confidence has really grown. No more tears on sunday nights about going to school. We put her in basketball this year and she was so afraid to make a mistake she didn’t engage in the play. Her Dad was giving up on her (he took her to the games). With a little pep talk about what it means to be a team player, her coach couldn’t believe the difference. She went on to having more fun and scoring baskets. I gave her so much praise about cooking she refuses to give friends her recipes. She does make a great smoothie.
I believe if you give children the wings to fly and they will take off.
Krista Gulliver
Thank you for sharing those precious thoughts. I agree with you children should be appreciated for what they are. I hope that professionals in the field of Special Education will tune themselves to the children simply to listen to what they are saying. Also I believe that professionals need to take time to observe what the children are doing and spot patterns of interests to understand how their beautiful minds work. By showing respect to the children’s interests and accommodating for them we find a pathway to reach and teach.
As Educational Psychologist I agree that life is about attitudes and it is our responsibility as educator to check not only for understanding of concepts , but also for how the kids feel about not only their reading,writing,or math but also about everything else she/he experiences. It has to become our goal to make sure that every kid has a positive feeling when it comes to learning and performing.
When working with challenged children I usually tune myself to hear their fear, anxiety, self – defeating thoughts. Many times I experienced that once a positive rapport is built with the child the academic performance increases too.
Your article is so inspiring and encouraging thank you for this innovative approach to embrace challenged learners.
I was one of those conundrum kids. I drove my teachers crazy. I always scored higher than anyone else on all the standardized tests. But, I did poorly in class. I was forced to repeat 1st grade because I was unable to learn to read. One day it started to make sense. In second grade I was called a liar and nearly flunked reading again because I claimed to have read a 600 page 6th grade level book. (the librarian had seen what I was doing even if my teacher didn’t.) By 3rd grade I was reading at above the 12th grade level.) In 9th grade we had to take a battery of evaluation tests. I scored 98% on the math skills test, and 15% on the math knowledge test. I was accused of cheating and grilled by the school counselor and the principle (a retired Marine Corp Colonel) for hours. They could not see how you could do math if you didn’t know anything about math. I kept telling them that I do not understand why they thought that memorizing the names of principles had anything to do with knowing how to use them. They finally gave up because they could not figure out how I could possibly have cheated on the skills test.
I learned that I probably had an attentional disorder in my late 30s. Because of the lack of understanding of adult attentional disorders, and run ins with a couple of doctors who thought I was just trying to get a legal source of street drugs. I was finally able to find a doctor who could diagnosed adult ADHD-PI and treat me would treat me a couple of weeks after I turned 57.
All of my experiences took place before anyone knew about ADHD.
Over the last 5 years I have taught in a couple of different Junior Colleges. A lot of my students are being treated for some form of ADHD. I compare their treatment by the school system with mine and I feel very lucky to have grown up when I was just called lazy and/or stupid, or even a cheat. These students have been told their entire lives that they have a disorder. They have been told that they can not learn. They have been side lined and kept out of regular classes (in violation of Federal Law).
There is a lot of difference between being told you are lazy or stupid, when you know you are not. And, being told that you have a disorder that makes it impossible for you to learn. The difference is one of expectations. My parents, and my teachers, expected me to do well, to succeed. When I did succeed I received praise for it. The students I see were never expected to be able to learn. No one ever tried to teach them. As a result they have never developed the coping skills that I, and so many others like me, developed. They had no need to development those skills because they were never expected to function in school. Of course, no one ever tried to teach them coping skills either.
So many of these students have poor reading skills and near zero retention of what they read. I was expected to be able to read and retain what I read. I read at 1/2 to 1/3 of the normal reading speed (my wife can read a book in the time it takes me to read a chapter), but I have better than 90% retention. I was expected to be able to read and retain what I read. (My shrink says I have taught my self how to transfer information directly from short term memory to long term memory without editing it. My memory is full of all sorts of stuff that now else seems to know
My students were never expected to learn to read.
I realize that I’m ranting so I’ll stop.
I do have a couple of questions that are very important to me. Can you, or anyone, recommend books on teaching techniques that work for college level students with ADHD? I’ve only been able find books aimed at grade school teachers. I need to be able to develop lesson plans that work for folks with ADHD and ordinary students.
I have one class, a game development class, in which I estimate that at least 70% of the students (in my opinion) show symptoms of ADHD. About 40% have declared that they have ADHD or ADD). Are there any references on how to manage a class room with such a high concentration of ADHD students. The trouble is that I get caught up in their behavior. It is so hard to act normal around people who talk and think like I do. When I slip it really bothers the other people in the class. They feel left out. They don’t get the puns. They can’t follow the ping pong conversations.
Last but no least… This posting is an example of a problem I have developed since starting medication for my ADHD-PI. I never used to write anything this long as an email or web posting. I could never sustain the interest, the focus, to write something this long. I have talked with my shrink about it. He thought I was talking about hyper-focus. This is not hyper-focus. As far as I can tell this is normal focus. The problem is that most of my coping skills are based on the fact that my attention will wonder every few minutes. I’m never late getting anywhere because I can count on the fact that I will check the clock every 5 minutes and I will get anxious enough to leave long before I really need to. Now, my mind doesn’t wander. I don’t check the clock every 5 minutes. I don’t feel anxious. The result is that I have trouble getting places on time for the first time since I was 19.
I talked to my doctor about this problem and he told me to read your book “Delivered from Distraction” (great book). But, it has nothing to do with this particular problem. He clearly did not understand the question. Any suggestions?
Bob
Your writing really strikes some chords, the coping skills especially. I have developed so many coping skills (and Anxiety as a result) that I too rely on less than healthy mechanisms to be successful. This has caused some major issues in my emotional life. You mention your shrink, any recommendations as to style of psychotherapy/analysis?