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Archive for the ‘ADHD’ Category

Sunday, July 15th, 2018

Is Your Procrastination Style Working For You?

by Rebecca Shafir, M.A.CCC Personal Development and Executive Functioning coach at the Hallowell Center MetroWest

I bet you thought I was going to curse procrastination in this blog. Au contraire!  Not all procrastination is bad. As a matter of fact, putting off a major undertaking may give you time to consider the risks. On the other hand, you may have a style of procrastination that works very well for you. According to Mary Lamia in her book What Motivates Getting Things Done, procrastination is a problem when styles collide or when the deadlines are missed or met with unreasonable stress.

Before I talk about different styles of procrastination, let’s clarify the difference between good and bad stress. Good stress is excitement or intense curiosity, like the jitters you may experience before doing a talk. Bad stress is anxiety provoking, panicky, self-sabotaging and physiologically unhealthy for us and those around us.

Lamia distinguishes between Deadline-Driven and Task-Driven procrastination styles, DDPs and TDPs respectively. DDPs note the deadline and begin mentally planning the task in spurts without taking any overt action. They may let the idea incubate for several days and weeks. Come the last day, it all comes together. Many successful DDPs report a surge of “good stress” and a heightened state of focus within hours of the deadline. They often deliver their best work under pressure. If you’re DDP, and the fallout doesn’t take a toll on your health or the well-being of those around you, it’s a safe and effective strategy, so go with it.

TDPs will start tasks almost immediately, but not complete the tasks until later. They may be perfectionistic and postpone task completion until it meets a high level of quality. These folks have a hard time being satisfied with “good enough.” Yet the successful TDPs will manage many tasks at once and eventually meet their deadlines with a minimal amount of bad stress.

Since procrastination, the bad stress variety, is such a common complaint, I find it easier to help my clients become more efficient within a style that suits them versus trying to switch horses. It’s also good advice to share your style for meeting deadlines with co-workers and partners, as both styles can be unnerving to the non-procrastinator.

Would you like to make your style of procrastination more efficient or rid yourself of procrastination for good? Happy to help! Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com     

Thursday, July 12th, 2018

ADHD and Marriage Advice from the Hallowells

Since Distraction is taking a mini break before we start Season 3, they’re re-airing a few of our favorite episodes. So if you missed my podcast with my wife Sue on ADHD, you can listen to it HERE!

Sue doesn’t hold back and gives you a clear picture of what it’s like to be the only one in our house without ADHD.  You can watch this  YouTube video for a “behind the scenes view of this episode.”

CLICK HERE for more tips on managing ADHD and Marriage.

Wednesday, June 20th, 2018

ADHD Parenting Online Summit

Parenting ADHD Summit Online JUNE 18-12, 2018. Dr. Hallowell will be featured June 22.

Parenting ADHD Summit includes master sessions from 38 ADHD and parenting experts (including me, Dr. Ari Tuckman, Dr. Mark Bertin) compiled to create more than 28 hours of expertise on how to let go of traditional expectations, boost your child’s self-esteem, manage child and family stress, navigate school struggles, handle emotional intensity, empower your child for success and confidence, take care of yourself, parent with purpose and intention, and so much more. This event is going to be epic. Not only is it everything Penny Williams wishes she knew when her son was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago, but it’s all the best information on parenting kids with ADHD in one huge library of 38 video or audio sessions. It can change your life — I truly feel that. Even better… you can watch all the videos FREE. That’s right, totally free the week of June 18-24, 2018. Register here https://parentingadhdandautism.teachable.com/…/parenting-ad…

https://parentingadhdandautism.teachable.com/courses/parenting-adhd-summit-free-access?affcode=41504_2zquxrmf

Saturday, June 9th, 2018

Turtle Tenacity

by Rebecca Shafir, M.A.CCC Personal Development and Executive Functioning coach at the Hallowell Center MetroWest

Driving home from the gym today, all psyched and ready to start work on a project that had many doubters (except for me, of course!), I spied a small turtle in the middle of the road. Because it’s turtle mating season, a kind soul posted a “Turtle Xing” sign to alert drivers that turtles are not speed bumps. Knowing the likely fate of this turtle, I pulled over and went to help the little guy get across the street towards his destination — the pond. Snapping turtles, unlike painted turtles, even small ones, are pretty vicious. This snapper, only 6 inches long, growled and hissed the moment I touched the back of his shell. One car after another pulled up to help. One guy got out of his truck, found a stick and started to gently prod him across the street toward the pond. Instead of hiding in his shell and being passive, the snapper snarled and viciously fought the stick with all his might, insistent on getting to the pond his way. Gradually, more drivers pulled over to watch this David and Goliath spectacle. One woman reflected, “He’s like me. If someone tries to stop me from doing somethin’ I wanna do, I give ’em a fight.” Another fellow marveled, “Wow, what a tough little guy. I bet he’ll get lucky in the swamp!” A third guy exclaimed, “Look at the fight he’s putting up, he just won’t quit. Geez, if you could bottle that, I’d buy a case full!”  The turtle’s strength and courage to fight something so much bigger was impressive. What if we pursued our projects with the same dogged determination as this turtle? Could we ignore the naysayers no matter how they are trying to protect us? Would we risk getting run over and losing everything to see our dream realized?

Finally, the guy with the stick got the turtle closer to the water. We cheered as the snapper scurried towards the mucky pond. Once he got to the edge where he would dive in and likely never be seen again, he stopped and looked back  at us as if to say, Good fight humans. I rather enjoyed it, but I hope you learned something too. Splash! And he was gone.

A bit of reflective conversation revealed that this seemingly insignificant event had inspired each one of us to be a little more persistent in pursuing our goals, and to resist the resistance. Sometimes, Mother Nature intercedes to teach us valuable lessons.

Need a push? Read about my CoreCoaching services, and let’s get you moving! Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com

 

 

Sunday, June 3rd, 2018

Getting to “NEXT”

by Rebecca Shafir, M.A.CCC Personal Development and Executive Functioning coach at the Hallowell Center MetroWest

Q: I’m an intrapreneur in my company. I come up with and execute revenue-producing ideas with little risk to me personally. But when a great idea goes bust, I have a hard time shirking it and moving on. I think this tendency will come to bite me when I’m my own boss someday. Transitioning is hard, what to do?  Dan R. Toronto, Canada

“Transitioning” has a broad definition. For those who have the gift of hyperfocus, breaking away from one activity to move on to something else is challenging. You know you need to stop, but you need a team of wild horses to drag you to the next activity. Others need lots of time to stop thinking about one task so as to start thinking about the next task. For example, you may find yourself in a meeting with your accountant, and as he points out the numbers, your “guy in the basement” (see blog from 5-8-18) is still stuck on the design of your packaging.

Dan’s transitioning concern is about moving on emotionally from a failed project to a new idea. Even though he experienced no personal financial loss, the time spent grieving, blaming and shaming wastes time and energy. Lots of hands go up when you ask founders if they know what Dan is going through. One solution is to step back and examine the situation like a scientist peering into a microscope − what went wrong and how you can avoid these mistakes the next time around.  Common missteps to avoid in your next project include:

  • communication failures between persons and departments
  • no “walk through” period to identify weaknesses or ambiguities in the process
  • identifying persons key to the success of the project who were not suited or not in favor of the project from the start– the stealthy saboteurs
  • a lack of oversight during the rollout; poor monitoring the money, service quality and customer feedback.

Swallow that “jagged little pill” and take responsibility for the failure. Even though others may have contributed to the project’s demise, release your grudges. These persons know who they are, what they did and realize they have let you down. You have learned something new about the people you work with. Be professional and remain cordial. Note that especially in small companies, you may need these folks again in the next project. Perhaps, next time, they’ll step up to the plate.

Emotional self-regulation is a core executive function that every self-starter needs to master. Learn about effective, non-medication ways to manage your emotions and make transitions easier. Contact me at Rebecca@mindfulcommunication.com

Monday, May 28th, 2018

Mind-Map It or Journal It – Get It Down on Paper

by Rebecca Shafir, M.A.CCC Personal Development and Executive Functioning coach at the Hallowell Center MetroWest

Q: There are times when I’m concerned or worried about a problem with my business and there’s no one I can talk to about it. My family and co-founder will listen, but I have to be careful there. Even though the problem is fixable, they will tend to overreact and that’s not helpful. What to do?  Janice B.   Portsmouth, NH

Break away from the crowd and write down your thoughts, worries, fears and concerns. My clients often roll their eyes when they hear the word “journaling,” mostly because it sounds too earthy-crunchy, or it suggests just another to-do. Not something you need to do every day but writing down the problems, how you feel about them and possible solutions, is helpful when you need clarity before taking action. Expressing yourself to yourself on paper, ignoring the need for perfect grammar or punctuation, relieves stress. Swear, doodle and write down all the non-PC things you’d like to say! Put it all out there…on paper, of course. How liberating! Writing out self-affirmations, or your WHYs can perk up your spirits and jostle you out of that stuck, murky state of malaise.

If your concerns are multi-factorial and don’t take well to a narrative or bullet point format, draw a mind-map so you can see the interconnectedness between problems, people and things. Plus, writing by hand is soothing. It provides an inner peace in a way that typing on a computer cannot. Keep the entry or mind-map for reference and make changes when an idea pops up.

Don’t let stress strangle your startup. Meditate, exercise, and strengthen your core with CoreFour coaching. Contact me at Rebecca@mindfulcommunication.com

 

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